Just to check in; how are the New Year goals going? Is gym great? Lost a few pounds yet? How about cutting off people that drain you? Ignoring them? Well I’m back to my same ol, same ol. I guess this behaviour is such a learnt thing that we lose track ya ho re sometimes you are still going to deal with the pervious year’s ish (which is really a few days ago lol). I started the year feeling very good about 20-infinite uhhhh

…. but nothing has changed though, just that life got in between that feeling.

To start off, some close friends have been getting calls and messages from exes – someboriiiii balance me???? So hearts were broken, December happened, and some ghosted my girls and now they want to “talk”?

Hai guys. I was also talking to some of my guy friends about this and it’s the same theme – “they have agendas”. This obvs started ruining my mood… on the second week of January.

Secondly, I think I’m starting to lose my mind. I’ve had to deal with so much last year and going back home in December made me realize that I haven’t really dealt with some issues – and more were piling up.

Now everything I’ve tried ignoring is coming back full force and it’s too much. I’ve also had conversations le bo moghel Zama and Lerato about feeling like “you’ve lost yourself – especially spiritually” – which is contributing to my “madness”. Conclusions? There is some serious inner work & healing that I need to do this first quarter of the year.

Things I’m taking a bit more seriously:

  • Praying – started a micro prayer group sometime after I had a very disturbing dream with the people that I was praying with in that dream. Every dream is not “a warning or alert” but it had an impact on me which I’ve been keeping alive since.

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  • Music – I love music, no need to explain further, and there’s certain music I believe God speaks to people with. You could be thinking of random things and a song would be playing giving you answers. I’m listening more (no gqom this month lol). Uhhh and there’s playlist I’ve been working on a personal called Feels&Vibes, anything that raises bohete I’m putting in there. I’ve prepped it for the super/blue/blood moon that will happen on the 31st – excited about that! Just a little sneak peak into my playlist:
    • Eric Lau – Here
    • Mpho Sebina – Loves Light
    • Tall Black Guy – I Will Never Know
    • Thandi Ntuli – Cosmic Light
    • Moonchild – Every Part
    • Angela Bofill – Under The Moon And Over The Sky
    • FKJ – Vibin Out

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  • Dear Diary… – I’ve decided to take journaling more serious as writing makes me feel better. I’m a very emotional person and I don’t really say much (except to my people). So I bottle things so much and end up carrying so many things at once. I’ve Googled some journal prompts just to try get me in the mix, here’s a January one, hope you will find it useful, might start tonight if I don’t get this procrastination in check:

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Wait…. who still keeps di diary? Lol hope I’m not the only one…

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Anyway, here’s to a journey to the unknown, maybe I’ll become a better person or maybe I’ll spend another year doing the same ol things. Amen!

4 thoughts on “New Year, (Probably Going To Be Same) New Me”

  1. I feel you friend. In all honesty, I feel like my year hasn’t started, but I can see that I’m falling into the same patterns of procrastination. Started the year so well in good spirits.. now I’m slightly doubting myself. I need to be harder on myself that’s for sure. When it comes to relationships, with men, I’m going to be selfish. All I want is acts of service from Men. Sexually and all. Need to practice better habits spiritually and via health. Its gonna be a beautiful year!!!

  2. Ausi I relate to everything you wrote, I am you, you is me, we are in our feelings together 😭😭😭😭 and I think I also need to do some inner work and healing. Thank you for sharing the playlist I’m definitely giving it a listen and also making my own list of things I need to work on and take more seriously

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