We all go through an awakening at some point of our lives when it comes to our bodies. You either grow older and realize to be less harsher on yourself and improve it or you end up fully embracing to as is, showing it more love. My story is still in progress…
I grew up having insane insecurities about my body because I was big for my age. Firstly, the self hatred came from being bullied by my transportation buddies, yeeeerrrrrrr I can still remember how this one boy used to torment me ang jwetsa that I’m dark and ugly. This was bullying ya like 3 out of 5 days a week phela. That grew and I hated my body development as early as I entered my tweens. If I remember the time I gained worse, was when I was on school holiday and I had gone home ko Heilbron… they had made motoho o mong o monate 🙆🏾♀️ lol that there was my downfall there. I enjoyed it so much that it was part my staple meal for the weeks I was there. Di consequence tsa my actions lead me two sizes bigger 😭 I was a tween wearing size 13-14 and I was no where that age. Mokhaba ona o reng hee that time 👀
Okay shapo I have to accept hore nothing fits me anymore and that continued onto my teens. I saw myself as this fat girl who doesn’t look good despite always being told hore ke le black beauty and had a beautiful body… I heard these compliments but they meant nothing to me.
In matric, I kept a journal that I think lead to my first journey to loving and accepting my body… Especially mokhaba coz yoh. In the journal I identified EVERY LITTLE THING that I didn’t like about my body. Yonke, and for one week I’d focus on a part, stand in the mirror, acknowledge the fact that I don’t like the part (once) and say good things about it for the rest of the week. It was the first time I had done such an exercise and it had helped for nako.
Jiki jiki now I’m in varsity and in a completely new environment… back to square one. 2009 my mom took me shopping ko Mr Price as I needed new jeans. I get there and I go to my size… 34/36 🤣😜 uhhh bathong. 34 didn’t even go up my calves, 36 was super tight. Ke depressed now coz clearly ke motenya hofeta what I thought. Mama gets me size 38 and ya dula monate jwang (also learnt years later that size tsa Mr Price are not right 😒). After that experience I had to regain all that little confidence I had gotten all over again. Process ya qala fatshe but this time learning to be more accepting of how I am. Mokhaba ka moo o ntso re “hello” coz at this point beer is contributing to the rolls 😂
2010 I started losing a lot of weight after starting contraception engwe soo. I was a size 34 and even when eating everything I didn’t put on any weight. Nice times 😋 but mokhaba dololo going down 😂. I continued using this contraception till 2013 and I started picking up the weight soon after. During that time I think I almost made complete peace with how my body looked. Insecurities tsa teng were not as bad coz I sipped in the confidence when I was slimmer 😜 bona fela
I still have a bit of issues with my body but not as bad as I used to and everytime I look at my pictures when I used to think I was chubbier than I thought I’d be in disbelief coz I wasn’t that bad. Honestly. The way we see ourselves from the inside out is the strangest thing. Like there’s your image and other people’s image and we get to criticize ourselves for not being to di standard tsa media when we really just need to accept that love our bodies as is, even through the changes you want made. Key thing is, for me, accepting and change when you want – I wish my younger self understood this. Through this I’ve also grew to love the one thing that never left me during my body changing process… It’s my mokhaba 😜 even with gym now I’m not expecting flat stomach e serious, just a booty nyana e tshwanang le my mom 😭🥺😅
I’ve had some friends who’ve shared their journeys and I’ll be posting them in the next few days. What’s your journey been like? Share your story or invite someone to do so using this link: http://bit.ly/BodyLoveSeries Story submission extended to Sunday, 10 November 2019.