Love is supposed to be the easiest thing to do yet so hard to truly understand, entlik to practice for most in our generation – mix that with adulting then it becomes even more complicated. Despite all of this, there are ones that have it right. That sweet spot two people have found, getting together and making it work is too beautiful. How do ya’ll find that vele?
I’ve been sucker for love for as long as I can remember (I blame The Bold le Days, watched too much of those when I grew up lol) and even without seeing some inspiration at home I managed to recognize them in my surroundings. Like bo mama Letta Mbulu and Caiphus Semenya and a lot of the well known couples. One couple, actually one person I think I adopted this behavior from is my sister Lerato – she’s her name. I’ve seen her do this love thing and try teach me mara nna I’m forever struggling 🙄 her story is the first one to go and maybe you can get some insight there.
After my biggest emotional roller coaster ride, 2017 was my year to heal (again) and I went through a lot of things trying to put my heart back together. I did some very temporary healing to actually think of it coz I’ve been very angry towards males because…
Yazi I feel like I got this look a lot when I was busy advocating …
… because months later I met 🦁 – hmmm I would continue mara it’s a story for another blog post (I wrote paragraphs and paragraphs about this someborrrriii because I’m such an emotional writer ho feta when I talk… maybe I should reconsider my career path watseba).
There’s one question in my series where I ask couples to how they overcome the little struggles that come every now and then because that’s probably where the magic is. This makes me randomly think of Cardi B’s Bodak Yellow – it was our song of the year in disguise coz it complimented the #menaretrash notion hanyane. How? Okay, here’s a nice scenario – you’re with the girls, discussing guys because you’ve beeeeeen obvs tired of some of their behaviors 🙄🙄🙄 and the song plays… which part do sing with power? 🙃 “And I’m quick, cut a nigga off, don’t get comfortable” (I know the real lyric ema ha nyane). 😂😂😂😂 I don’t care which stage of the relationship you are in but there’s spirit in those words because mahn guys have been trifling. Hmmm you’ll see how the couples manage to deal with the downside of their relationships – maybe it can work for you and I!?
I’m a contradiction in general nna – I’m the first one to march for “love lives here” and be there when there’s a CTA for “men are trash”. I know I’m a lot… so will I ever come right? Lol, I’m praying I will after this phela I also want to be like other kids hao…
So where are you currently? Let me put it in meme language:
Uhhhh while we’re here, pick a meme you relate to, tweet and tag me @kennamaletsatsi lol we can discuss this further for 10 marks 😂 I’ve started my tweet here https://goo.gl/Fv6SJe
We’ve asked couples with relationships over 3 years to share answers to this relationship past exam paper mara no one has come forward so nna I’ve gone, asked the questions and got some answers myself. I spoke to a few couples who are going to share their unique love stories and I hope you get some inspiration as much as I did (they are my #couplegoals BTW) and it’s a plus since it’s also the month of love ♥ I’m super excited about this one.
Enjoy!
PS: I’ve compiles a lovely playlist for ambiance. Comment with your favorite love song and I’ll add it to the list – keep the energy flowing
https://soundcloud.com/leafrinique-music/sets/maletsatsisjams-sthandwasaka/s-3yvvl
*Featured Image sourced from Pinterest
Modisana! Nelly! 🙂 im here for the lessons
[…] Moroali: My answer to this is on the lenghty comment I made on the the first #SthandwaSaka post: Hello February, Hello #SthandwaSakaSeries […]
😂😂There’s no memo for a lasting relationship. Every couple is different due to the different components that unites them. A few things that I think have contributed in building a very strong foundation and a more firm growth in our relationship with my Sir Moloi are as follows.
1. We communicate our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Meaning we are transparent with eachother even if the other is not going to like what is being said.
2. We never anticipate on each other. Never use the phrase “I know my man won’t take offence to this”, “I know my man will be cool about this”. Ladies if he was okay with something the first time that doesn’t guarantee you that he will be okay with it the 2nd time, so you need to frequently check on your partner on how they feel about certain things. Anyway people are allowed to change their perceptions hao.
3. Grow on your intimacy. One mistake alot of couples do is only focus on physical intimacy which in the long term will start to get “BORING”😪. BoMogurl sex and kissing is not urrrything in a relationship. Therefore you need to keep a balance on all your intimacy departments. Which include social intimacy, emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy (don’t mistake this with being academic jwale ojwetse ngwanabatho to solve x&y tsa maths jhoo), spiritual intimacy, recreational intimacy and other types of intimacy.
4. Allow each other to be human and make mistakes. No one is perfect and ha re bo Jeso akere. So this will help improve your relationship in a sense that both of you will have no fear of being judged therefore everything you do or say is purely authentic and not rehearsed. Avoid being an animated character because one day when you get out of character your partner might not like the real you which will give him reasons to hurt you.
5. Apologise when your are wrong, forgive when he’s wrong and never go to bed angry at each other. Early in my relationship I never used to appologise so when I was wrong I would find a way to shift the blame on him. Heeeh khanthe I’m creating a defensive monster. Whenever we had an argument he would defend himself as if we were in court. That became a shock because my man was never like that. But I got to realise that I took advantage of his kindness and politeness.
So we spoke about the issue and we were able to fix it. We have a rule that if one did sh#$ and takes time to apologise they need to take the other one out 🍴🍸🍝and that rule is working perfectly for us😊
6.Respect! Respect eachother. Ya’ll my man is so sweet and very respectful in the 6 years of our relationship he has never raised his voice, he has never clicked his tongue on me and he has never shut doors or huged up the phone on me mara na I have done them all coz ke tjhobolo akere.
One day we were out on a date all romentic vibes and we were having a heart felt conversation then Mr decided to politely confront the Miss. In his direct words he said “baby I see my future with you, in my heart you are my wife but because I haven’t paid lobola I can’t claim the title.Before we get married we need to fix a few things. I don’t like the way you talk to me when we argue. You sometimes forget that I’m older than you and obua lena ekare ke ngwana. One day when we have kids I don’t want them to see such behaviour because they will think that’s the correct way to talk to daddy then ba tlo ntella haka”. Jho you guys my man has never said something that hit me so deep kore I felt so bad ke ne ke swabile but from that I have leant to respect him as much as he respects and argue in a civil manner. The wonderful thing about this is that we can sort out our differences quickly without saying things we don’t mean.
7. Never stop dating💏 jolang even if you guys are married….
When couples get comfortable with each other they stop dating. They start acting like an old married couple. Jhoo guys be spontaneous. Wash the car together, club hop together, party like crazy, watch movies, run around,wrestle each other, go shoping even if you don’t have money, take selfies, have midnight conversations. Hai mahn be jolly.
8. More talking (calls) and less texting (wats app).
Now everybody has wats app but not me and my man. Ever since we started dating in 2011 my man has made it clear that he doesn’t text if he wants to talk to me he’ll call. So we have kept that ever since. The first three years of our relationship was distance therefore we used to call each other 3 times a day everyday. I didn’t eat during break time so that I could buy airtime. Now we stay 1 hour away from each other but we still call/skype as many times as we can everyday. The everyday talking has made our communication to be the strongest quality in our relationship and we are able to sense if the other is not okay or in danger😱 lol I don’t know how but yeah it happens. I remeber this other day I was sitting in class and my instinct kept on telling me that something was not okay with him. Immediately after class I called him he didn’t pick up the phone then I called his work place the receptionist told me that he was rushed to the hospital because he had an injury.
9. Do almost everything together and make each other priority.
Have time for friends and have special time for you partner. The both of you should let you friends know that they are not priority. You should never feel as if you are missing out on the fun your friends have without you.
All of my friends and family know that I’m available from Monday till Thursday which is during the week and everyone is busy therefore I’m not entirely available but because I love them I make time for them. My mom always says to me “Nelly ithabise le motho wa hao hobane nna ke dutsi le waka ka ntlung and re nyalane”.
If your friends and family love you unconditionally they will understand that you are inlove and you find more joy when you are with your man. Sooo for me Friday till Sunday is time for me and my man, unless if na le motho waka decide to spend the weekend with you.
Since 2014 every weekend my man and I are together unless if there is a funeral which I dont attend or ke hae Qwaqwa.
10. Trust, be realistic and share.
Ladies somblief stop setting unnecessary traps on your man. I believe that if something is done in the hidden eventually it will come forth. So if his cheating Ausi waka otlo tseba when the time is right . Sometime God doesn’t want you to know because you are not ready therefore he is preparing every dimension of yourself for the truth which will make you to react in the most accurate way to the situation.
The other thing couples need to trust each other with is their finances. I’m student and my man is working. I open his salary advise, I know how much he earns, I know all his expenses and I know all his saving unless he’s hiding some from me👀.
Back in the days when he lived in a back room honey we had a lavish life made out of cents. That became possible because I helped him draw up a budget and I made sure that he he buys a fridge and two plate stove because he was spending money on takeouts.
Knowing his finances then taught me not to expect more than what my man had or could afford. I was able to appreciate a perfume and earnings from Avon or PS chocolate written happy birthday😂.
Now that the Mr is earning way more than before he fully trusts me to manage his💵💵. Month end after he tithes at church guess who gets the bank cards to settle all the bills???? Yes you are right it’s “ME” akere when he was living a financially stressful life he invited me to help out and I performed miracles, so now that his making good bucks he knows for sure that I got his back and his money is not his but ours.
When coming to sharing ladies should stop feeling like they are entitled to their bea’s moola mara bona ba stinge. Back in the days my man used to share his R100 with me while I would share R50 with him. By doing that I was showing him that my money is also his money.
I’m still a student and I get allowance from my busary mara hei I still give him bo R100 or R200 even though I know he is going to give it back indirectly. We have a relationship whereby I don’t have to ask money from him because I’m included in his monthly budget because of the “sharing is caring” relationship I created.
The practice of sharing has made me not to complain hore Sir ha a betjhe. So girls because we love money and we love being spoilt do it first and he will learn from you. Get him toiletries if bread is on sale get him two loaves o tla bona what will happen.
Man have egos biger than lions so obviously he will always try to do better than you. You buy him a guitar he will take you to Durban for a week sleep in a 4* hotel,spa appointments and tour😜.
So bo single lady those are the few things that has made my relationship last for 6 years and 10 months❤